| I disgust me. Quit trying to be someone else, because you're simply not.
Bipolar no?
Okay, got to kill procrastinating and moping around, enveloped in jealousy. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish for the wishing to stop and start doing physics physics physics. (hate you)
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| fuck. i've to stop pretending like i even care.
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| An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice..'
I've spent the last few days bawling my eyes out over the fact that I'm not going to do well for promos. But strangely enough, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably no longer going to see that string of As or even Bs on my report card. liar. No, it's not that I've given up (it really still hurts knowing) but because I've decided that it's time I start to live for myself.
For my entire life, I've been someone so status conscious, so fearful that other people would think badly of me. I wanted to be perfect in their eyes, to be seen as the girl whom they want to emulate and spoke of out of admiration and respect. I always lamented on how I wanted to relive my life all over again, because it was so intolerably imperfect. I blamed my parents for not understanding the education system and for not grooming me from young to be perfect like those kids whose parents had done so. Often, I was upset that they had to make all those mistakes on me only to learn and then create the 'perfect' path for my brother. So I kept trying to make it up, to try my possibly hardest in patching up all these flaws of mine. But the harder I tried, the more imperfect I seemed to become. And alas, I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that no one is perfect and more importantly, I don't live on this earth to please other people. I am who I am.
Whatever has happened to me this couple of months... albeit a blessing, has been something totally new for both my parents and I and it definitely hasn't been easy. Needless to say, it won't be any less difficult for the next few months leading up to As. But I'm excited. Now with open arms, I'll welcome change and all the challenges that life is going to throw at me. And that's why I've decided. Yes exams are important, but what beats that is that I've been growing and learning and that is what really matters. And at the end of the day, I just want to know that I did my very best and be happy that I have. Then, like I've said before and I'll say it again, que sera sera, whatever will be will be.
It's a beautiful Saturday night.
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| βDid you know that tomorrow(today) is 09.09.09? Itβs the 252nd day of the year and 252 adds up to 9. On top of that, 09.09.09 falls on a Wednesday and both the words Wednesday and September have 9 letters.β
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| I haven't been updating my tumblr for quite a while because I loved how the way the current pictures and quotes were all arranged and I didn't want to change that in any way. But I realised it was really foolish of me to miss out on all the other good posts just because of my inability to let go. These little things... could parallel the bigger things in life.
I've always had the phobia of saying this, in believe that 'what goes up must come down', but you know what, I'm going to say it now and today. It's not because I'm having the time of my life now or at my peak, in fact I'm far from the societal ideal. It's just that in chasing after God-knows-what and why, we often fail to realise it. We really don't need to reach that state of supposed dreamt utopia, all we have to do is just to pull ourselves out from that crazy race, and just for one second, really observe all that's around us. The ups and downs of life are inevitable, but in these moments, there will always be hope and happiness. And it's up to you to live these moments because life is indeed beautiful(:
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